Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
