Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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