i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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