i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
