Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
