Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think your dad took our porno
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
