If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
