Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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