no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
