You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
