craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
