How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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