So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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