question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
