I hate your face
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's never too late to be topless.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
