oh god the rape fog is back!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
