My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
