Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
