I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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