THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
