glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
