he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
