I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
