Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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