yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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