Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
