oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think your dad took our porno
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
