What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
