he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
