were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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