You're my little dorito
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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