the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
