does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
