Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
