please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
