is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
