WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
