I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
this hospital has no fireball
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I am one with the molecules
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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