new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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