I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
