I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
