saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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