I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
