so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
