Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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