I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
