I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
