Duck Duck Cougar?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
