I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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