Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
