I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
