Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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